Some time for myself

This is my twitter avatar.

And it is how I feel most of the time. Times 4 (that includes husband) I always feel like there is someone watching me or there is someone that needs watching. Someone always needs something. From me.

I started this new rebranded blog with high hopes and huge intentions. I have fallen short. I am needed elsewhere. ALL THE TIME.

I am only getting to do this right now because the baby is sleeping and I gave the other two the iPad. Which mercifully they are sharing without needing any intervention from me. I should be at the grocery store, changing the sheets, cleaning out the fridge, and folding the laundry.

So here I am. Writing. Finally. Not just a Wordless Wednesday (not there’s anything wrong with that ;-), but actually writing something.

This weekend I am taking some time for myself. There will be no children or a husband looking for something from me. I am going to BlogHer. I bought a ticket at the last minute with some encouragement and generosity from some of my bloggy friends.

I need this. I need to get away and refresh myself and find my worth. Did I really just write that? I did. And I mean it. I’m a good mom, not the best mom, but their mom. I love them fiercely and would not want a full time career.

We make ends meet with some left over. We’re doing fine. We make sacrifces for me to stay home. Which is why sometimes I feel so terrible that I don’t love it as much as I think should. There I said that too. Sometimes I feel a little under appreciated, or that people can’t see what I’m worth, how much I do, and how important it all is. And by people I mean my people of course, but also “people” as in society.

Three kids under 6 is a lot. They are 2,4 & 6. I’m tired. I don’t like to craft. I yell. But God, do I love them. So because I love them, I’m taking a little time for me. I need some time to see how I can help myslef make this blog more of a business. Time for some networking for when I finally do go back into the workforce. I need to keep my skills sharp and my mind open. Those things sometimes don’t happen for me at home. I don’t shower for days and I never make time to exercise.

I need more to know I am worth something. There are all kinds of moms with all kinds of needs. Some NEED to work outside the home because their family would starve otherwise. Some need to work outside the home because their souls would starve otherwise. I am someone who just needs a little something something to keep me going, keep me sane. I have found that blogging (and video) helps me have that. I can do it on my own time, in my own way, and feel better about myself.

So this is what I’m worth. I am worth a weekend away. I am worth going to seminars and meeting people and having fun. It will help me be a better blogger AND a better mom. I am so glad I have a husband who also thinks I’m worth it.

So if you see me at BlogHer give me a little squeeze because I’m going to be missing my kids like crazy. But also maybe a high five, because I showered and got myself out of the house. That’s half the battle people.

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  1. Great post. I can SO relate to it. Enjoy your much deserved time away at BlogHer. I’ll be holding down the fort for all you lovely ladies while you’re off having a blast. Please have extra fun for me!

    • ViolaCay /

      I thought you might be able too ;-) I recognized that mom of three look in your eye before I knew you had three. Annie and I will toast you!

  2. I am soooo with you mama and I love this post. I can’t afford tickets to blogher or a place to stay if I could afford it. I’m really sad not to be going because I also need some time away to find my worth. Good Luck! I can’t wait to hear all about it

    • ViolaCay /

      Thanks Kim! I was on the fence, actually no where near the fence until last week. The free bus and some generous friends are helping lighten the burden. We’ll see what comes out of it :-)

  3. Charlene /

    All this time I thought you were going because you are a blogging goddess! But I am so glad you are going and you are spot on my friend. It is so key to do this. I went to BlogHer in 2010 as my first blogging conference when L was 10 months old. I think I cried all the way to NYC. But we can only be great Moms if we are great women, if you know what I mean. And remember there will be 3000 other women who are missing their kids (including me since L is staying home.) But I will have G if you want some baby nuzzle time! Let’s have fun and learn and grow together!

    • ViolaCay /

      Heh -a blogging goddess.

      I can’t wait to see you and G at BlogHer. Mmmmm baby nuzzles :-)


  5. You are super-cool! I’m so glad you went and that I got to talk to you more (thanks, McD!). Hope you recovered from that bus ride. ;)


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