He lived and he was loved.

I have some friends that haven’t known me for very long. I have some friends that have known me for what seems like forever.

Everyone that knows me should know this one thing. I have a brother and 19 years ago today he died. But more importantly, he lived. He lived and he was loved. He was loved by me and so many more. He lived and he was loved.

I want my kids to know him the way I did, but it’s been so long that I’m starting to forget.

I was snuggling with my girl the other night making funny faces and I showed her Uncle Danny’s favorite funny face. I wish so much that he was here to show her. This is the best I can do. Funny faces, funny sayings, and stories. But the memories, they fade.


My brother Dan as a baby and his nephew Theo. A slight resemblance there, huh?

I have a friend who very recently lost her own brother. We were in Vermont watching the Olympics together as Bode Miller broke down on TV about the loss of his brother. And there we were, the three of us, crying for our brothers. She and I talked for a while about our brothers. It was sad, but also nice. I think we both appreciated the space to talk about them without fear that we would upset someone or say the wrong thing. I understand her. I have been where she is.

I don’t get to talk about him much with new friends. It’s an odd thing to bring up and most just quickly move the conversation along. Fair enough.

But he is a part of the person I am today. His death is a part of the person I am today. If he had not died I would not be same person that I am right now. Had he not lived I would be no where near the person I am today. He was and is my brother.

I’m writing this not for a chorus of “I’m sorry” or “Hugs” (not that I won’t take them), but just so that you know he lived and he was loved. If you don’t know me that well maybe you didn’t know I had a brother.

Well I’m here to tell you I have a brother. His name is Daniel, Dan, Danny, Bean. He lived and he was loved.



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  1. Big hugs to you today!!! Wow, 19 years. The resemblance is amazing – so special. xoxo

  2. Lovely, special post… thank you for sharing your brother with us….

  3. This is beautiful Sharon. He was lucky to have such a wonderful sister, and it’s fantastic that you teach your kids about their Uncle Danny.

  4. He was a good dude, and talented. Can I get a post of the “Losing My Religion” video, if possible?

  5. This is lovely. Thank you. I, too, had a brother who lived and was loved. He deserves to be recognized as a sibling, even if it means possibly having to have the slightly uncomfortable conversation about his death with women who don’t know me so well. He lived and he was loved and he will always be acknowledged.

    • ViolaCay /

      Hugs kate! Thanks for commenting. Sibling grief is something that gets overlooked by many. I’m so glad you’re here. I see you and I hear you saying you have a brother. SO sorry for your loss.

  6. Thank you for sharing Sharon. I have a good friend who also lost her brother and I know how hard it can be in the moment and then doing your best to keep them in your lives as time goes on. I have a brother who I don’t get to see enough. I’ve been trying to make plans to get together more and now I have no excuses.

  7. I love this so much—mostly because I feel like I could have written it and I “get it”. My sister died 25 years ago and as time goes by, it is harder to remember certain things. I do talk about her with my three sons and I can see her fun loving spirit in all of them.

    Happy, happy birthday to your bro, Dan. Your guy does look so much like him! :) Lucky.

  8. 20 years – I hope you are hanging in as well as you can. Time does march on and it’s so sad that the memories do fade. Hang on to all you got. Love you, Sharon!

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