Motherhood on the rocks

Now this post doesn’t pertain to drinking. That would be a happy, albeit incoherent post. Come to think of it, this might get a bit incoherent, so bear with me.

Motherhood on the rocksI’ve had a pretty terrible two (or 200) weeks of parenting recently. I feel like I’m losing control, or what I thought was control over my kids, the schedule, the refrigerator. Basically everything.

My oldest has been such a challenge lately. And all I can think is – it’s all my fault.

It’s all my fault.

Who else could be to blame? It’s my job. I’m responsible for them. For everything about them. For their health and welfare, for their social skills, for their soccer skills for goodness sake. EVERYTHING.

I feel like everything they do and don’t do is a commentary on my parenting. Why hasn’t she taught them this, oh it’s so nice that they do that, did you hear what he just said? Ugh.

Now some might think, “Um, gee, you have THREE kids don’t you? Shouldn’t you have this parenting thing down by now?”

We’ll you’d think and I had hoped. But the fact is I feel like lately nothing is working as it should. In my grandmother’s era I feel like they would just given a kid a good whack and that would be the end of it. I don’t want to hit. I never have. I’m not interested. However, I have yelled to replace where my grandparents and even my parents would have hit. I’m not sure it’s any better. Honestly, I know it’s not. I feel like crap when I yell. I can’t even imagine how they feel.

So I’m doing what I always do with a problem, which is to throw everything I have at it. I’m reading about 5 parenting books. Getting up earlier. Talking more kindly, doing crafts, reading more books, spending less time on the interent (in case you haven’t noticed) and I stopped yelling. Now my fear is that I’ll burn myself out and again be no use to them.

I’m not going to go into specifics of my oldest’s behavior because that’s his business. What’s I can tell you is that timeouts, negotiating, and yelling DO NOT work. They make it worse and make me crazy. And please don’t get me wrong, my kids are amazing. Smart, funny, kind, cute. Oh so cute. This is about me. How I handle their behavior, not their behavior.

Tell me, has your motherhood been on the rocks before? Tell me what you read? What did you do? Because honestly, I feel a little bit like running away and going somewhere to get something else on the rocks. Anyone care to join me?

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4 Comments

  1. Oh honey, I so feel for you on this, and I have definitely been there. All I can say is that it’s good you’re analyzing the issues and trying to improve where you can. I try to tell myself that while society reflects every child’s issues back on to the mother, there is only so much we can do; they are their own people. Hang in there – try to breathe, and get a break when you can.

    • ViolaCay /

      It’s been a better couple of weeks since then. But still. I know I have to cute myself some slack.

      My mom called me after she read this and basically said “Girl. please.” :-)

  2. Yep! Me! A lot! Lately a LOT! I yell, too, and I hate to. :(

    I have little advice. I find that what really helps improve things is some ME time–some downtime. Time away from them. Even a long run or something. An evening out, letting my husband put them to bed. Anything.

    Parenting is just really hard, especially without tons of relatives around to drop the kids off with. It’s hard to be in charge of them all the time.

    But if they swear, or suck at soccer, or whatever? It really isn’t your fault. REALLY.

    I’m sure you’re actually doing pretty well but just need a break.

    • ViolaCay /

      I need to find a way to build in a break every couple of days for my own sanity. It needs to be at least an hour and it needs to be scheduled. Unfortunately, I know this and I still can’t get it done.
      This too shall pass :-)

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